The Train (2008)

Gotta catch this train, before it passes on by,
past this town, past my stop and straight out of my life.
It's like a morgue where I stand,
because the winter is near
but I wait patiently for my train to arrive.

I count the trees just to pass the time,
but their stoic and fearless appearance only reminds me that I am alone
and completely unsure of myself.
If only you were here with me,
maybe we two could show the same solidarity,
as the group of trees that sway this way and that
together as one in the tumultuous winter winds.

I inhale the bitter, freezing air,
and exhale bursts of smoke, as if my insides are really on fire,
and I am imagining that the air around me is so very cold.
I gaze about at the bleakness of the day, and I cringe as I see that I am all alone.

Will this train ever get here?
I am out on a limb, the loneliness gnawing at my heart
just a reminder of the giant leap of faith I have taken, without even a glimpse of what Kind of landing I will meet.

I fear the worst, I am too late, I have missed that train…
But in the distance I hear, such an uplifting sound
A whistle resounds and echoes across the cold, still air.
It is here, and I will ride it wherever it shall take me.

Paper Doll

When I see girls in the world acting all hard

I can't help but shake my head because of the brokenness of her heart

She didn't have a chance to be made whole

Some don't understand or even want to I suppose

But I want to put myself aside for one minute and address her

Yes HER the girl with the bruises and the scars

HER who is afraid of being with him, yet even more afraid to be without him

Her who screams and sobs as curses and fists he lobs

HER who is so down she can't even bring herself to hope

for a better tomorrow

I know how you feel.

Once upon a time I thought I was nothing

Jump Off, Tramp, whore, was the only names anybody ever called me

Dressed in the latest of fashions I see on TV

Even grown men wanted to have a piece of me

PAPER DOLL

Because plastered on my face was makeup and fake smiles

But all it took was the touch of a hand to see me crumple

up into a ball of nothingness

My hopelessness-trial

and error because once again I find myself defending 

my bad decisions against common sense and logic.

Sometimes I even felt like I deserved getting hit

Sometimes I felt like there was no way my life could be different

In my twisted reality the best that could happen to me

Was I would find someone as messed up as me

Feed me dope, Accept my internal messed up condition

And die before I reached the age of 30.

I was so hooked on the dope and the dope game

I have no idea how I even have brain cells left to maintain 

a functioning lifestyle yet, Somehow God's grace

Was big enough even for a monster in my past state.

I scorned the mercy constantly lavished on me

because rather than seeing life as a chance to make a new beginning

I saw it as a mockery because 

I was so full of myself and my own demons I could not even see
My phony constructs and world-views vs reality
But, despite my hard headedness and my stubbornness to believe
Someone insisted on loving me
Loving me when I couldn't bring myself to do it
Loving me despite the fact I had no idea how to receive it
Loving me patiently until I was ready to understand

That-
THIS paper doll had substance
THIS paper doll had strength left to make it
THIS paper doll could indeed be held in hands that were gentle enough to hold and not break her
You do as well my fragile sister.

Heart song

A dancing, twirling contradiction

Lackadaisically on a mission

Always rushing but on time

If life was a book, her words would always be off the lines. 

Hopelessly scattered, stoically resigned

To the fact that impatience is based on relative time

A practical daydreamer 

A radical proponent for the conventional

Typical in most ways especially the unusual

And her heart is best listened to 

When her words are written
rather than spoken to you. 

Words and Footprints

Words and Footprints are very similar.

So watch what you say.

What kind of imprints are you leaving on other’s minds?

Are you inspiring, or destructive?

Do others look back on conversations with you and smile?

Or are they still trying to forget?

I hope my conversation is preserving, and encouraging,

Even when it has to be firm and strong.

Sometimes your opinion is more right than someone else’s

But at the end of the day, it’s still just an opinion

So it doesn’t matter

Gossip is like walking through somebody’s house when you have muddy shoes on.

You leave stains and dirt everywhere you go.

No matter how much that person tries to clean their floor,

There will always be a remnant of where you stepped.

There may even be a place that they completely miss.

They might not see it, but you know it’s there.

Others that come by may see it too.

So wipe your feet before you go into someone’s home… or life.

Proverbs says A talebearer revealeth secrets: 

but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the 

matter.

Which title do we possess?

We can be gentle in the way that we approach others

Even when our paths cross in the most inopportune of ways

There’s no need to stomp all over someone else

Words and footprints are very similar

They leave marks everywhere you go

Misconception or Illusion?

If life is what we make of it
How important is our perception?
Does our vision really shape our reality?
Is our ability to internalize the external surroundings
More important than what is really set before us?
I can tell so much about a person
By what they choose to see in others.
Do they see the flaws and what makes him, human?
Or do they see the soul that merely desires to be uplifted?
I don't think we need to look at the world through rose colored lenses
and gloss over whatever negatives are present
I just feel like we put too much stake in our own masks
While mocking the ones that other's choose to adorn
in hopes of making someone just notice them.
But I feel like we often miss the beauty of the rose
Because our fear won't let us see past the thorn.
When some get caught up in a game of wanting to be loved
They are only scorned.
We don't always treat people as if they were fearfully and wonderfully made
We don't always feel like we were either
And we have to change that.
It's not truth if what they perceive is an illusion anyway
That's like believing in a magic trick-
Or politicians-
 or that certain colors make you look like you lost weight
You're still the same regardless.
A lot of the pain in this world comes from faulty understanding
And lack of critical thinking skills lead to misconceived notions
And those become reality in its own way.
But no matter how dark the dark gets
It can't change the fact
That it has only one, single, solitary  way to react
When faced with the illumination of it's only natural enemy.
See, darkness can only exist where light is not present
And enlightenment itself is a form of luminescence
Given to all so freely in abundance
Turn away from the mockers who drink violence
And subsist off of our emotions
And taste freedom on your tongue
And swallow it down into your throat
Let it permeate into your very nature and fix what once was broken

Mama Said

She said only those with skin like us can understand how to make US better
But I wonder why it is that those with skin like us is what caused us to search 
for salvation to begin with
Don't trust the white man is what we are taught
But if your own folks cause you pain then who is there left to trust?
It's not that we don't think that there's a better way than what we know
 it's just that we don't want others to see our shame. 
Men who shared my heritage and struggle
Were the ones who taught me I was worthless
Women who had the same affectations in their voices and words as I do
Were the ones who always made me feel like an outsider
We do wrong too
It doesn't matter what skin color reveals to our eyes because it will never reveal the truth of ones 
character-what's really inside
Ones actions in the heat of the moment may betray ones true passions
But even those are not indicative of who you are
Passions come and go
Like waters and waves they ebb and flow
Contradict what's in a man's head
Lack of logic leads to our most primal instinct
Passion and skin may as well be disposable as far as worthy judgments go
It's the daily intent
The cultivation of proper intention
And the release of ones understanding and purpose
Developed habits that become a person
My skin will not define me
And neither will my ethnicity
Though I see similarities in the beautiful slope of my, cultural sisters, eyes
She is not automatically one I choose to be aligned with.
The struggle of MY people
refer to those who know that they are in need of Him.
I don't want to be consumed with the passing tides
of society's current offense
Let me be alone to learn what I need to do to please the One who created
Everything that is in existence.
I will hate what He hates
Because His way don't change
Although ethics and morals according to OUR standard may differ
Truth says that He stays the same yesterday, today, and forever
I sometimes wish I could unzip my skin
Let them see what's underneath
Of all of us is not so different
Maybe the sight of our flesh beneath the cutaneous would be less offensive
and divisive
I say that tongue in cheek but whatever
If we were all blind
A kind word would still illuminate
If we were all deaf
A simple hug would speak volumes

Flickered Out

The light of realization

Always flares in spite of resistance

Flicker in and out

But shines in indignation

Men and women lead revolt

Fueled by waves of their emotions

Carrying anger and rage for others

Flailing arms and screaming mouths

Drowning in the ocean

They must needs justification

So they cry for Justice

War paint on faces

Only to be led even further astray

Down the path of their own way

Ignorance is not bliss

As some ignorant would say

It is merely a distraction

From facing and dealing with the pain

We put on masks just like a clown

Set flames to the edges watch the whole place burn down

And all for what?

Fear is a repercussion of 

Having no enlightenment

It comes from choosing to remain 

in a blanket of darkness

Hatred

Anger and

Bitterness

It hates the light

Because the Light displaces darkness

And gives not 

Room for a blanket

Or covering
People become shocked 

at the starkness

Of their own logic

Or lack thereof

It's like they are naked

Vulnerable

and 

Although this vulnerability comes with a price

What one receives is 

So much more valuable

Take my advice

Open your mind

Guard your heart

Our emotions are deceitful it's been that way from the start. 

Stop letting fear determine who you are