The Train (2008)

Gotta catch this train, before it passes on by,
past this town, past my stop and straight out of my life.
It's like a morgue where I stand,
because the winter is near
but I wait patiently for my train to arrive.

I count the trees just to pass the time,
but their stoic and fearless appearance only reminds me that I am alone
and completely unsure of myself.
If only you were here with me,
maybe we two could show the same solidarity,
as the group of trees that sway this way and that
together as one in the tumultuous winter winds.

I inhale the bitter, freezing air,
and exhale bursts of smoke, as if my insides are really on fire,
and I am imagining that the air around me is so very cold.
I gaze about at the bleakness of the day, and I cringe as I see that I am all alone.

Will this train ever get here?
I am out on a limb, the loneliness gnawing at my heart
just a reminder of the giant leap of faith I have taken, without even a glimpse of what Kind of landing I will meet.

I fear the worst, I am too late, I have missed that train…
But in the distance I hear, such an uplifting sound
A whistle resounds and echoes across the cold, still air.
It is here, and I will ride it wherever it shall take me.

Paper Doll

When I see girls in the world acting all hard

I can't help but shake my head because of the brokenness of her heart

She didn't have a chance to be made whole

Some don't understand or even want to I suppose

But I want to put myself aside for one minute and address her

Yes HER the girl with the bruises and the scars

HER who is afraid of being with him, yet even more afraid to be without him

Her who screams and sobs as curses and fists he lobs

HER who is so down she can't even bring herself to hope

for a better tomorrow

I know how you feel.

Once upon a time I thought I was nothing

Jump Off, Tramp, whore, was the only names anybody ever called me

Dressed in the latest of fashions I see on TV

Even grown men wanted to have a piece of me

PAPER DOLL

Because plastered on my face was makeup and fake smiles

But all it took was the touch of a hand to see me crumple

up into a ball of nothingness

My hopelessness-trial

and error because once again I find myself defending 

my bad decisions against common sense and logic.

Sometimes I even felt like I deserved getting hit

Sometimes I felt like there was no way my life could be different

In my twisted reality the best that could happen to me

Was I would find someone as messed up as me

Feed me dope, Accept my internal messed up condition

And die before I reached the age of 30.

I was so hooked on the dope and the dope game

I have no idea how I even have brain cells left to maintain 

a functioning lifestyle yet, Somehow God's grace

Was big enough even for a monster in my past state.

I scorned the mercy constantly lavished on me

because rather than seeing life as a chance to make a new beginning

I saw it as a mockery because 

I was so full of myself and my own demons I could not even see
My phony constructs and world-views vs reality
But, despite my hard headedness and my stubbornness to believe
Someone insisted on loving me
Loving me when I couldn't bring myself to do it
Loving me despite the fact I had no idea how to receive it
Loving me patiently until I was ready to understand

That-
THIS paper doll had substance
THIS paper doll had strength left to make it
THIS paper doll could indeed be held in hands that were gentle enough to hold and not break her
You do as well my fragile sister.