Speak It

Love and Hate

Serious words

They have deep meanings

But we use them in ways that show

We don't fully understand

We speak them over everything

Making their implication as shallow as the accusation

So maybe the true mission was accomplished

To make each...somehow less

But hate does not diminish for lack of understanding

Instead it's power grows

Love on the other hand

is watered down for lack of understanding

Love was created to cover sins

it was meant to unite

Hatred to divide

Love used to be all encompassing,

because it came with a price, but was priceless 

You couldn't buy it, you couldn't pay for it, 

Sacrifice was the only acceptable currency 

But now, love is as thin as its shallow application

It is as meaningful as the food, and tv shows, and temporary fixes that we wrap in it;

You can't cover anything with it

That's why the world is so cold

The Bird with the Yellow Feathers

They spoke of her feathers.
'What bright yellow feathers!', they exclaimed
They ignored the cage
Yellow is happy
She must be happy
Her cage was gold, but a cage nonetheless
She wished she could hide
But the cage would suffice
In keeping her watchers at bay
They ogled and smiled
She's happy, so happy
But failed to see the cage in the way
Perception is tricky, From afar,
 the bird's yellow feathers was seen clearly through the bars
But up close, 
she was different
quiet, lachrymose
Why?
She had a song she wanted to sing
But no one cared to listen
They looked at her feathers instead
Soon her song was forgotten
She didn't even remember how her song went
So the tune languished
She just showed them her feathers
That's all they wanted to talk about.

The Train (2008)

Gotta catch this train, before it passes on by,
past this town, past my stop and straight out of my life.
It's like a morgue where I stand,
because the winter is near
but I wait patiently for my train to arrive.

I count the trees just to pass the time,
but their stoic and fearless appearance only reminds me that I am alone
and completely unsure of myself.
If only you were here with me,
maybe we two could show the same solidarity,
as the group of trees that sway this way and that
together as one in the tumultuous winter winds.

I inhale the bitter, freezing air,
and exhale bursts of smoke, as if my insides are really on fire,
and I am imagining that the air around me is so very cold.
I gaze about at the bleakness of the day, and I cringe as I see that I am all alone.

Will this train ever get here?
I am out on a limb, the loneliness gnawing at my heart
just a reminder of the giant leap of faith I have taken, without even a glimpse of what Kind of landing I will meet.

I fear the worst, I am too late, I have missed that train…
But in the distance I hear, such an uplifting sound
A whistle resounds and echoes across the cold, still air.
It is here, and I will ride it wherever it shall take me.

Paper Doll

When I see girls in the world acting all hard

I can't help but shake my head because of the brokenness of her heart

She didn't have a chance to be made whole

Some don't understand or even want to I suppose

But I want to put myself aside for one minute and address her

Yes HER the girl with the bruises and the scars

HER who is afraid of being with him, yet even more afraid to be without him

Her who screams and sobs as curses and fists he lobs

HER who is so down she can't even bring herself to hope

for a better tomorrow

I know how you feel.

Once upon a time I thought I was nothing

Jump Off, Tramp, whore, was the only names anybody ever called me

Dressed in the latest of fashions I see on TV

Even grown men wanted to have a piece of me

PAPER DOLL

Because plastered on my face was makeup and fake smiles

But all it took was the touch of a hand to see me crumple

up into a ball of nothingness

My hopelessness-trial

and error because once again I find myself defending 

my bad decisions against common sense and logic.

Sometimes I even felt like I deserved getting hit

Sometimes I felt like there was no way my life could be different

In my twisted reality the best that could happen to me

Was I would find someone as messed up as me

Feed me dope, Accept my internal messed up condition

And die before I reached the age of 30.

I was so hooked on the dope and the dope game

I have no idea how I even have brain cells left to maintain 

a functioning lifestyle yet, Somehow God's grace

Was big enough even for a monster in my past state.

I scorned the mercy constantly lavished on me

because rather than seeing life as a chance to make a new beginning

I saw it as a mockery because 

I was so full of myself and my own demons I could not even see
My phony constructs and world-views vs reality
But, despite my hard headedness and my stubbornness to believe
Someone insisted on loving me
Loving me when I couldn't bring myself to do it
Loving me despite the fact I had no idea how to receive it
Loving me patiently until I was ready to understand

That-
THIS paper doll had substance
THIS paper doll had strength left to make it
THIS paper doll could indeed be held in hands that were gentle enough to hold and not break her
You do as well my fragile sister.

Heart song

A dancing, twirling contradiction

Lackadaisically on a mission

Always rushing but on time

If life was a book, her words would always be off the lines. 

Hopelessly scattered, stoically resigned

To the fact that impatience is based on relative time

A practical daydreamer 

A radical proponent for the conventional

Typical in most ways especially the unusual

And her heart is best listened to 

When her words are written
rather than spoken to you.